FML

Hi, I’ve not written a single blog entry since I don’t remember, and guess what? I’m unofficially unemployed.

Well, unofficially.

The thing is, I accepted an offer last January, but my employer that time doesn’t want to allow me to take an immediate resignation. Why? According to them, the law only allow immediate resignation IF and ONLY IF it is because of a personal health issue. So, I guess if you’re dead or dying. Hah! So I decided to give that nonsensical 15 days render. Ugh. Who will have enough drive to work if they already know that, eventually, it’ll all be for your employer’s benefit?

Maybe, just maybe, if the company I was working for was a really good one. But, Hell no! Say hello to the idea of NOT having your personal, earned leave credits converted to cold yummy cash. Sucks bigtime, right?

Add that to the super low salary, lower than your ass, man. Yeah, THAT FREAKIN’ LOW! How can I live?

So now, I’m a border in my own home. I live to eat, watch TV, and feed pets. I actually just finished feeding them rascals. Haha!

But I, too, have feelings that are crushed every now and then. My siblings are just too… How do you say it… Dependent.

I think they’ll die if one day I decide not to go home without them knowing. Damn, man! The store’s just a few houses from my place, and yet they have to text me, tell me to buy food for the pets, and wait for me to go home! I swear, if they ask me to buy food for the table, I’ll be home pretty late. Trust me, they’ll sleep with empty stomachs.

I am not ranting because I don’t want them telling me what I should do. I just want them to realize that I am also tired from work, and that I also need some rest. Man, they will kill you with sharp words if you won’t do the same load of chores, bragging they’ve done it in five hours or more, waiting for you to show them some miraculous thing-a-majig in just 30 fckin minutes. Am I superman?

Ugh. Sometimes the idea of getting my own places enters my mind. But my siblings have given my Pops too much headache now. I can’t afford leaving him for just this reason.

Oh well, I tell you now, friends, one thing and one thing only: THAT’S LIFE.

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And I let it all go to waste

When I let you go. When all I had to do is wish you back, but all I ever did was watch you go. When all I had was your embrace, the last of it at least.

But all I did was let you go. And now I feel lonely. Now I feel all alone. You killed me inside. And I keep killing even the last feeling vein that I have left for myself.

All because of you. All because I love you. I am dying.

And if and when I see you with her, the more I can conclude that I am dead.

And it’s all because of you… 😦

I lie daily. And it’s not a new thing

I tell myself I don’t love you anymore. But deep inside I still do.

I scream of your name in my heart and head. I cry alll by my lonesome self. I dream of your caress, your touch, your kiss and your embrace.

And yes, I still love you. Even if I show the world that I no longer do.

I still love you. I love you…

I’m getting torn with consent

I feel so down lately. I keep thinking of things I should no longer be thinking of. And I keep hoping and praying that we’re okay. But I should let go. I should move on. I should start living for myself. It’s been years since he last bid me adieu. And I’ve moved on. But… Why?

I know it’s easy to say “just forget him,” or “it’s okay, he’s happy, you’re happy, let it be.” But for me, it’s not easy following those advices. It’s not even easy giving those to someone!

You might know who I’m talking about. You might say we look so okay. But I’ve never told anybody about what really happened. No one really knows what is happening. And I don’t want anyone to know anything. I love him still and I want everyone to look at him as someone who’s a-ok.

I allowed our routinary meet-ups to continue, no strings attached. I killed my heart with my own consent. I burned it down, tortured it, destroyed it. I planned my own heartache. I dug my own heart’s grave..

Oh well. Maybe I just need to unwind. I need to have ny routinary stress-reliever haircut or that lonely-old-me drinking affair with a bottle or two, maybe more. I just need to let loose. I need to let go. I need to move on. I need to be me. For once. Maybe this time, it’s for good.

Toast to a new beginning

And finally, I have set myself free!

It has been a month since I was confined at a nearby hospital due to pain in the lower abdomen. Apparently, that was caused by a benign watery cyst which was seen in between the left part of my uterus and my colon.

At the same time, I have been drinking high doses of medicines, take note: MEDICINES, since I acquired mild Urinary tract infection (UTI) and I just had to try and get my monthly period back on a regular track.

Anyway, because of that, I made a huge decision which changed my life, and hopefully will positively affect it forever–I RESIGNED.

The company I used to work with was a company filled with good people. I’ve made lots of friends there, but I really had to let go. I know it’s hard but it’s for my future as well.

So now, since I am starting to look for a more decent job, I toast to a new beginning in my book of life. A new chapter–a start after the ended black pages of my life. I toast to the new decisions I will be making, to the new knowledge I have acquired and will be acquiring. To the new person I have become. To me.

Thank you, OSInc Phils., for making my stay worth it. 🙂

Protected: My sweet Thursday treat

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Protected: I suck on this

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Fact:

We pretend to be happy to satisfy other people’s happiness.

But what we do not know is that we slowly lock ourselves inside our mundane, self-crafted world until we no longer know when to smile for real.

Yes, I miss

I miss everything about him..

His smile.

His smell.

His stare.

His caress.

His breath.

His laugh.

His rants.

His smirks.

His woes.

His boasts.

His all..

But what I miss about him is..

His love conjoining mine. 😦

New place

Hi friends! 🙂

I have a new place which I was hoping you could check out every now and then as well. 🙂 It’ll be updated more often. 🙂 Don’t worry, I’m keeping this place as well 🙂

If you want to check it out, the link’s here. 🙂

For exlinks? Send me your link and I’ll add you to my blogroll asap. 🙂 thank you! 🙂

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