But all I did was let you go. And now I feel lonely. Now I feel all alone. You killed me inside. And I keep killing even the last feeling vein that I have left for myself.

All because of you. All because I love you. I am dying.

And if and when I see you with her, the more I can conclude that I am dead.

And it’s all because of you…

I scream of your name in my heart and head. I cry alll by my lonesome self. I dream of your caress, your touch, your kiss and your embrace.

And yes, I still love you. Even if I show the world that I no longer do.

I still love you. I love you…

I know it’s easy to say “just forget him,” or “it’s okay, he’s happy, you’re happy, let it be.” But for me, it’s not easy following those advices. It’s not even easy giving those to someone!

You might know who I’m talking about. You might say we look so okay. But I’ve never told anybody about what really happened. No one really knows what is happening. And I don’t want anyone to know anything. I love him still and I want everyone to look at him as someone who’s a-ok.

I allowed our routinary meet-ups to continue, no strings attached. I killed my heart with my own consent. I burned it down, tortured it, destroyed it. I planned my own heartache. I dug my own heart’s grave..

Oh well. Maybe I just need to unwind. I need to have ny routinary stress-reliever haircut or that lonely-old-me drinking affair with a bottle or two, maybe more. I just need to let loose. I need to let go. I need to move on. I need to be me. For once. Maybe this time, it’s for good.

It has been a month since I was confined at a nearby hospital due to pain in the lower abdomen. Apparently, that was caused by a benign watery cyst which was seen in between the left part of my uterus and my colon.

At the same time, I have been drinking high doses of medicines, take note: MEDICINES, since I acquired mild Urinary tract infection (UTI) and I just had to try and get my monthly period back on a regular track.

Anyway, because of that, I made a huge decision which changed my life, and hopefully will positively affect it forever–I RESIGNED.

The company I used to work with was a company filled with good people. I’ve made lots of friends there, but I really had to let go. I know it’s hard but it’s for my future as well.

So now, since I am starting to look for a more decent job, I toast to a new beginning in my book of life. A new chapter–a start after the ended black pages of my life. I toast to the new decisions I will be making, to the new knowledge I have acquired and will be acquiring. To the new person I have become. To me.

Thank you, OSInc Phils., for making my stay worth it.

But what we do not know is that we slowly lock ourselves inside our mundane, self-crafted world until we no longer know when to smile for real.

His smile.

His smell.

His stare.

His caress.

His breath.

His laugh.

His rants.

His smirks.

His woes.

His boasts.

His all..

But what I miss about him is..

His love conjoining mine.

I have a new place which I was hoping you could check out every now and then as well. It’ll be updated more often. Don’t worry, I’m keeping this place as well

If you want to check it out, the link’s here.

For exlinks? Send me your link and I’ll add you to my blogroll asap. thank you!