I feel so down lately. I keep thinking of things I should no longer be thinking of. And I keep hoping and praying that we’re okay. But I should let go. I should move on. I should start living for myself. It’s been years since he last bid me adieu. And I’ve moved on. But… Why?
I know it’s easy to say “just forget him,” or “it’s okay, he’s happy, you’re happy, let it be.” But for me, it’s not easy following those advices. It’s not even easy giving those to someone!
You might know who I’m talking about. You might say we look so okay. But I’ve never told anybody about what really happened. No one really knows what is happening. And I don’t want anyone to know anything. I love him still and I want everyone to look at him as someone who’s a-ok.
I allowed our routinary meet-ups to continue, no strings attached. I killed my heart with my own consent. I burned it down, tortured it, destroyed it. I planned my own heartache. I dug my own heart’s grave..
Oh well. Maybe I just need to unwind. I need to have ny routinary stress-reliever haircut or that lonely-old-me drinking affair with a bottle or two, maybe more. I just need to let loose. I need to let go. I need to move on. I need to be me. For once. Maybe this time, it’s for good.
